I can hardly believe that it has been three months already. This is the longest that I have been away from home and I think that has made this a bit of a hard month for me. For whatever reason, this month has not been as magical as the last two. I said that I would be honest when I write about my time here and I plan to keep my word. So here is how month three went down.
The first week of July was great. I attended my first ever red carpet premier, and by attended I mean stood on my tiptoes outside of the gated area, for Magic Mike XXL. It was neat, the energy was insane and was rewarded with seeing Channing Tatum in the flesh – there may have even been a bit of fan girl screaming 😉 I plan to attend more of these, if only just because the excitement was really fun to be around. On the movie note, I got to see Jurassic World, which does need to be mentioned because it was so enjoyable. I LOVED the Jurassic Universe, and it was so great to see another movie involving it. I loved all the nods to the original; I possibly even shed a tear or two. And who doesn’t want a raptor named Blue?
Then I spent a night in Edinburgh to visit a lovely gal that I meant on my Skye High Tour. I love the train ride up there, even though it is lengthy at 4.5 hours it was so enjoyable and gave me some great thinking time and reading time. Our Saturday was a lot of fun, we decided to take advantage of the sun and climb up Arthur’s Seat, which was beautiful but SO WINDY. I was slightly concerned for my life. The rest of the day was capped off with a delicious Italian dinner, Oreo Ice Cream and girly movies while camped out on her ridiculously comfy couch. I had forgotten how much I missed watching movies with treats and a girlfriend.
The first Sunday of July was spent in Edinburgh, where we went to High Tea with two other lovely ladies at the fancy Balmoral Hotel. This high tea was intense. There was a consume course, savory and sandwich course, scones and pastries course, cake course and then ice cream. All complimented with unlimited tea and coffees. I had a delicious Scottish white tea, peach tea and an Americano. After a delicious time, we decided to have a mini photo shoot in different parts of said fancy hotel. It was a giggle fest for sure. Then before I knew it was time to say my goodbyes and head on the train back home.
After that lovely weekend, things just took a bit of a downhill slope. I got stuck in a glum mood and it was incredibly hard to shake off. Part of this was due to an annoying flat hunting process, some of it due to finance concern, some to a bit of serious homesickness, a reality check and the rest was overall a bad attitude. Let me explain.
So back at the beginning of June, I decided that it would be better for me to move into a flat with flatmates or a flatmate closer to my age and in an area I felt drawn too. So began the hunt! I did not write about it in my last month recap because I was still in the process and a bit stressed out about finding a place so I neglected to tell you all about it until I had everything in place. Which happened at the very end of June. After a month of viewing places, testing out different areas, going through “interviews” and over all getting fed up with the whole process, I was offered a cozy room in a cute flat in Brixton, with a soon to be lovely flatmate. I am SO STOKED to be moving this coming Saturday, I am counting down the sleeps!
But because of this, some frustrations were introduced to me. One in the form of somewhat ridiculous and outrageous (but necessary) payments in regards to the tenancy process, which brought on some financial concern. The process just got me down and I started to get grumpy at living in London. In addition the financial concern, little things like the heat on the tube, the tube in general, and how expensive little things were, was starting to get on my nerves. All in all, it resulted in me realizing that my honeymoon stage in my relationship with London was over. Sigh.
I also realized that I had fallen into the routine of work and my days were sliding together to be similar and mundane. I felt sad at that thought, it got me down. The last two months were nothing but excitement at a constant pace and I just got used to it, I forgot that REAL life is not always exciting, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t good. I just felt disappointed every day when something awe worthy did not occur.
Homesickness hit me hard hard hard this month. It always hurt the past two months, but I hit a small moment this month where I almost looked at flights back home. What?! It passed quickly, I did not even get to open the web page because I recalled all the reasons I moved here and made myself imagine what my life would look like if I left England, and that fixed me up enough to snap out of it.
Through all of this, I started to be honest with people back home, particularly my parents. And it felt good. I have Caitlin whom keeps me in check, reminding me that all the crap is worth it to stay. She knows that it is not always rainbows and butterflies and she is there to remind me that you have to put up with the storms to get the rainbows in the first place. I have my dad who is great at reassuring me that bad days happen to everyone and just to get through them. I have my step dad who lets me know that I got this, no matter what. And then I have my mom who let me have a very long and honest skype sessions with her the other day. This lifted everything off my shoulders and put me back on an upward climb. I have felt SO MUCH better since this conversation with her. I don’t know, maybe I just needed to cry in front of someone and admit that it is not all that I Instagram. What I think really helped though was that I was waiting for a look of horror from her to send me running home and instead I got the reassurance that I needed to know that I am still the happiest I have ever been here and if she saw no reason for me to come home, then I had no reason to come home.
I am telling you this because I want to share that sometimes it sucks. Even when I am the happiest I have ever been, I still want to run home to the comfort. Sometimes fear still hits me so hard I am pararlyzed by it and wonder what the F*ck I am doing here. I am telling you this so you know that no matter where in the world you are, the same stresses will follow you, the same fears, the same worries. But now the beautiful thing is is that I have a new environment to deal with them, which means I have every reason to find new and better ways to respond to all those things. Including the mundane moments. Including the financial worries. Including the everyday fears and worries. I am telling you this is you know not to give up. When you want to go home, or even just give up on any situation, take a moment to really think about all the negative fgeelings running through you. Take a momemt to embrace the fear and accept it. And then evaluate it. Is it valid enough to send you packing? Can you overcome the gloom? Is it still worth all the joy you are experience? If you know in your heart that you should stay, then find a way to overcome it and stay. It will all work out I promise you.
Now the real stuff starts. I said last month that this adventure would include lots of learning and growth opportunities for me. Well here was one, learn to find excitement in the mundane. Now that I am in real life mode, I can find my actual place in this beautifully chaotic city and embrace everything real it has to offer me.
Despite that little speech, the past three weeks have not been ALL doom and gloom. I did make a daytrip to beautiful Brighton, visit the Sky Garden, visit with another lovely gal for yummy food and old school movies, spend the day picnicking and reading in Hampstead Heath and attend a coffee making class. So even in the gloom there was some awesome brightness that kept me going.
I will be ending this month by going to a Grease sing and dance along in Camden’s outdoor theatre. So if anything, the month will be ending on a really great note. (Ha :P).
But I will be honest, I am sooo looking forward to August. I think my direction will shift, what I want for my life here will shift, and the things that I really want will come my way. Plus BIG travel plans coming up! Oh and my 25th birthday 🙂
“In the midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar”
- – xoxo Veronica