Homesickness

I’ve mentioned it a few times in my monthly recaps, but as it is a big part of living abroad and travelling, it deserves a post of its own. It has been a struggle for me, but it is something that I want to share, and maybe by sharing I will feel lightened.

Homesickness …. there is no escaping it, and there is no preparing for it. It will hit you, and most likely at the most unexpected and most inconveniant times. Like on a tube, or at work, or in the middle of a meal out. Either way, you have to deal with it and the worst part? There is no lasting cure.

You simply just find ways to cope in hopes it will leave you alone, sometimes for an extended period of time and other times for all of five minutes.

I never know when it’s going to hit me, how hard it is going to hit or what will work that time to make it go away. Sometimes a skye sessions fixes me right up, somties I go for a run to chase it away. Or I distract myself with a London activity or a night with friends. Sometimes none of that works and I simply must live with it.

Sometimes it is just a passing moment. Sometimes it prompts me to tell stories of home, or in some cases even bake a pumpkin pie. Sometimes it pushes me to go out and explore. Sometimes it causes me to withdraw. And sometimes, sometimes it brings me to tears.

I didn’t comprehend how hard it would be until I got here. You can’t possibly know how much you miss your loved ones until they are thousands of miles away. You don’t realize how much hugs and hang outs mean to you. Or simple little comforts like cuddles with your fur baby, or tumble dryers or snacks. They all add up and accumulate to homesickness.

So why do I continue to push through it? Why don’t I just give in and go home? Somedays I come really close to doing so, because it just does not feel worth it.

But then there is always that little voice inside my head that says, nope you are not done yet. It all comes down to the fact that I only get one shot at this. There is no redo with a tier 5, no pause button, no second chance, this two year time frame is it. And I wanted this for so long, longer than I wanted to admit. So for now, going home because I am homesick, is not a good enough reason to end that dream. Maybe one day that will change, but for now it is not.

So the best I can do is ignore the homesickness, push through it, walk out my door and let London remind me why it’s all worth it.

And you know what? It always does.

Рxoxo Veronica 

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