I wish that I knew what in the world I want to get out of this life. I don’t care that I am only 21 and have “my whole life ahead of me to figure it out”. I am tired of fighting a constant battle between my normal sensible, responsible side and my buried impulsive, adventurous side. I just want to wake up in the morning feeling that I am right where I belong and should be.
May 9th 2012. I remember writing that Facebook post so clearly. I wrote that out of some kind of desperation after weeks of feeling distraught and confused. I was just looking for any kind of encouragement or assurance. I received A LOT of both from various friends and family. Each response meant a lot, and helped me move on from that feeling of desperation. However there was one response from my cousin Erika that really resonated with me, and it has stuck with me every since. I have gone back to it in my mind at moments of confusion in the past few years and now I want to write about it, because now I fully understand her advice.
Hang in there, ALOT changes from your early to late twenties. A light bulb will come on around 28ish, and you’ll have that “oh this is what Erika was talking about” moment. Just keep following your gut, it’ll get you where you need to be, even if the path is winding, ridiculous at times and involves some backtracking. I should mention that the “aha” moment isn’t something concrete, its more of a heightened sense of self and more confidence in your instincts.
While I am two years shy of 28, I felt that moment. And she was right. It was not an exact concrete moment,, it just became a slow awakening, that brought me confidence to own my life which then brought me peace and a self awareness, and finally a sense of purpose and a feeling of being grounded. Then one day while on a train ride across England, it all fell into place for me and I started writing these words. I knew in that moment that this was it, everything I had been seeking, I had found. My instincts were right on that dreary February day in 2014 when I decided moving to the United Kingdom was the next step for me, something in my gut was pulling me there and I am so glad I listened.
I moved to London because I knew I needed a change. A big change. My whole world needed to be shifted and I saw my only option to be moving to a new country. Placing myself in an environment where I had me, and only me to rely on. I needed to find myself, I needed to grow and I needed to know what was going to bring me a life fulfilled to go forward with. I had no idea what that meant. Was it to become a full time traveller? Was it to find an epic romance? Was it to be placed on career path in the corporate world?. What was pulling me all this time?
Well in that moment I spoke of, I found exactly what I was seeking, discovered what that pull to the UK was about. It wasn’t to fall in love, it wasn’t to make money in the corporate world, it even ultimately wasn’t about my passion for travel…it was about finding me. It was making peace with the fact that I will never be content with a conventional life, never satisfied with staying stagnant and it was always about gaining the confidence to accept this and realize that there is a path for me to take to lead a lifestyle of something extraordinary if I want. I needed the space from all that I knew to realize this was possible. I had to be away from my support system so I could grow into this acceptance on my own without influence.
So what does this all mean? It means that I have achieved what I set out to do when I made the decision to move here, two years ago. I’ve embraced the truth that I will always be seeking adventure, and will always be open to opportunities that lead me there regardless of how small or big they are. And that is okay. I’ve found my place in this world, I finally feel grounded, finally feel a peace in my soul and that all I need in this life to continue to feel this way is to pursue a life filled with something more. Something more that offers me the ability to live within my own set boundaries, see the world, have the freedom to be location independent and have the time to spend with the people I love, when I want.
You will soon see what my plan of action is to make my dream lifestyle a reality but that is for future posts. This one? This one was all about putting into words the moment I figured out that I am exactly where I need to be in this world, and that all the things I want that I kept buried down for so many years, are ok to want. Now that I have the right confidence and tools in my life, I can let them flourish. I look forward to my future, and how it is going to always be filled with something more than planned.
And so she decided to start living the life she imagined.
– xoxo Veronica
P.S. Thanks Erica ❤